I thought of it first VIII: Raw Meat Diner

A little interlude here as I share something I thought of at a sushi restaurant 

So, raw meats in some form or other are obviously considered a delicacy...you've got sushi, sashimi, steak tartar, carpaccio , etc. But obviously there's limits on how they can be served and what meats are safe to eat raw.

So here's my great dumb idea. A restaurant (by necessity, an expensive one) which serves meat that has been irradiated immediately before serving, with enough x-rays or gamma rays to completely sterilize the dish but not something like microwaves which will cook it. So you have 100% safe and 100% raw meat. Obviously you're going to want to marinate or season it somehow, no one wants just raw slabs of chicken (okay, lets be honest, some people probably do. People are weird).

Obviously this would be a weird, luxury establishment. No hole-in-the-wall diner is going to be able to afford a gamma ray emitter, the necessary safety precautions and the buttloads of insurance that this idea would require. And the sort of people who might be eager to chow down on a plate of irradiated raw chicken and pork are probably the same sort of people who think edible gold is a good idea or pay for 500$ hot dogs.

I Thought of It First VI: Chess, The Movie

Long time no post, huh? Been a bit busy unfortunately. 

This iteration of ITOIF (okay...that acronym doesn't work) is brought to you buy the truly unfortunate "board game movie" trend. We've already got the ridiculously terrible Battleship movie and several more theoretically on the way (we've got candyland, ouija and monopoly among others) and Real Steel the unofficial "rock'em sock'em robots" movie (we all know that's what it is, don't pretend otherwise).

Well, discussion on this led to an idea, which spiraled a bit out of control (it was 2 am) and now I have a prediction for how the plot of a movie adaptation of Chess would work. 

Of course the most obvious requirement is opposing equal sides in a battle. Lets say you've got two powerful female leaders tied to physically frail but influential men. This could be a historical epic, a fantasy setting or even a modern-day gang war. The two sides are stalemated in permanent conflict. 

The main character is a minor player in the battle, one of the "pawns". The story follows her and her "squad" of fellow underlings in a desperate attack on the opposing side. She and her companions manage to make it work through luck and guts but one by one their numbers are whittled down until the main character is the only one left, before she is captured and imprisoned in the enemy's stronghold. At this point it is revealed that she is actually the daughter of one of the leader's of the conflict, escapes and manages to topple the opposing side. 

So there you go, the plot for a chess-based game. Call it "Checkmate" or "Castling" or something to that effect. Is it coherent? Barely. Good? Almost certainly not. Put together in 5 minutes in a burst of questionable inspiration several hours after midnight? Definitely.

I thought of it first: Stick Warriors Omega Supreme (Ultra)

Bleegh. Just a warning. This post is being made at 4:00 AM while in the month-long process of getting ready to move and suffering from the combined effects of a 4-day cold and insomnia. It may be entirely incoherent.

Side-note: You know you've finally reached "adulthood" when you and your wife get really excited about finding a cheap bottle of nasal spray that works really well to clear up your mutual congestion.

So, this installment of "great ideas that I will never be able to produce" comes courtesy of several days spent playing Angry Birds (I just got my first smartphone) and fevered ideas that grip your mind when you're tossing and turning in bed trying not to wake your wife while you figure out why you can't get back to sleep even though you're exhausted.

The idea being an epic stick figure fighting game. Now, I know that's hardly original. The web loves epic stick figures, everyone knows that.

I could literally watch this all day.

So, that's clearly not a new idea...so what have I got? Well, basically a (hopefully) more unique interface and battlefield. The battlefield being a lot like angry birds, constructed of blocks and shapes of varying materials and durability along with a physics engine to let said materials be knocked around the battlefield. It sounds cool already doesn't it?

Well, lets combine that with a simple way to create your own custom attacks. First premise...every attack has identical DPS (damage per second). You can choose to create a spray of rapid light attacks or one big heavy attack (which is just the difference between rapid tapping or holding down the attack button to "charge") and it all ultimately evens out, assuming all attacks hit. So damage isn't customizable. But just about everything else about the attack is: range (from melee to long range), penetration (to determine how easily it "punches through" materials), width (how "big" the attack is), burst (explosive power at the end of the attack's range) and knockback (how easily the attack sends your opponents and materials flying). All of these can be simply set to sliders or a point/dot/star system that has to balance out for each attack. Each player gets a small pool of attacks (say 4) that they can customize and save, plus one "limit break" special attack that can be charged up or gotten via power-up that either gives you more dots or lets you add weird special features (like homing attacks or damaging status effects, etc).

Now, try and picture what that would look like. You've got a big, wide open battlefield that's both destructible and movable and a nearly endless variety of attacks customized through a few simple values. One guy can spray blasts that cut through stone while the other sends a fireball that blows up and sends everything flying into the stratosphere. Charge up and drive an energy ball deep into the ground where it detonates and collapses the battlefield, then you both burst out and continue whaling on each other. In fact, there should be a mode entirely without health bars. Just two people fighting until they run out new ideas for combos or someone gets carpal tunnel. Record the whole thing as a two-hour youtube epic of stick carnage.

And of course there'd be plenty of opportunity for downloadable content, you could easily have simple costumes, or themes for your attacks (instead of generic bolts or energy balls one guy has guns, another attacks with ice claws!), and of course new levels and so on.

But, of course like I said this is possible the worst mental condition to come up with new ideas in (or is it...the best!?) and there's a pretty good chance that someone could point to 4 or 5 things out there that basically already do what I just described. But here's hoping I'm creative.

I Thought of it First V: Random Super-Hero Ideas

Just some random concepts that sprung up in my head.

The first was considering exactly what would make a good Superman video game. He's a super-hero I've always enjoyed (my favorite incarnation being his bro-mantic pairing with batman in the Batman/Superman comic series) although I'm not a hardcore comic adept by any means. Some people may find him boring (bah I say, they probably don't like paladins either) but that's never been an issue for me. But with a character like him I could see him being a challenge for a writer. That certainly hasn't stopped many, many writers from making a great story with the Man of Steel. Unfortunately when it comes to video games it's a different story. In fact I don't know if there's a single super-man based game that could be considered universally "good", especially when it comes to capturing his vast array of powers accurately.

Obviously older games can be excused due to limited graphics, technology, etc. But modern gaming certainly should be up for the challenge. However, current super-hero or epic action (DMC or God of War) use RPG elements, buying up new abilities with whatever in-game currency is available. Obviously this doesn't work with Superman, a game where you start with only a few powers and "buy them up" would be an insult to the character. 

So here's an alternate idea. As superman you have access to all your powers right from the start but you're limited by your Focus. Focus being how much you're concentrating on one particular aspect of your powers at once. Focus can be split up among different powers freely and reassigned at will. So just by switching to your character menu you can shift focus from one power aspect to another. 

So for instance you might divide Supe's powers up in the following ways: 

• Might: Pretty self-explanatory. Putting more Focus in Might gives you the ability to lift heavier objects, strike for more damage, etc. It also affects your invulnerability. Superman obviously is never at risk of being knocked out or killed (excepting special circumstances or powerful enemies) but if your Might isn't boosted then you can more easily be knocked back or stunned.
• Speed: Investing focus in super-speed gives you much, much faster movement and increased attack rate. Important to note that this only increases the character's actual speed (see below). This also includes flight, completely "nulling" speed Focus may limit you purely to gliding or leaping. 
• Senses: Enhanced super-senses will give kind of a grab-bag of abilities. Partially it'll probably grant some "map-modding" abilities like showing enemies on your mini-map, and "radar" effects to show the location of danger, victimized civilians, etc. Primarily though it grants bullet-time, slowing the rate at which events occur. This does not increase your movement ability but it does provide more time to think about the situation and react. Obviously combining it with focus in Speed allows for some amazing things. 

Now, you've got other powers that don't scale up or down (heat-vision is a good example), although the slow-down effect of something like Senses will certainly synergize well. Other abilities might be picked up as "stunts" throughout gameplay (for example super-breath as a stunt of Might, becoming more powerful the higher your Might Focus) or through specialized button comboes relying on player skill. Focus may or may not increase throughout play (the game could follow Superman through stages in his career from smallville to metropolis to cosmic level play).

Now the following isn't exactly my idea...I just remember reading it somewhere (honestly I don't remember where...if there's anyone who knows what the heck I'm talking about feel free to mention it in the comments) and thinking it was a terrific idea. Challenges in a super-man game should be more like a complex, multi-solution puzzle rather than a straight up brawler. Say for instance you've got a giant mech trundling down main-street and firing missiles and lasers all around. Your goal is not only to defeat the bot and save civilians in danger but to ensure that you do so in the least amount of time or the minimum number of "moves". The three main powers would grant a variety of different ways to tackle the challenge in potentially hundreds of different ways.

And of course there should be a World of Cardboard bonus level where you can simply cut loose and demolish the scenery at will.


The second part of this is an idea I had a while back. You know the show Deadliest Warrior? Well if you don't it's a show which compares different warriors throughout history in a "who would win" battle. It can be quite fun so long as you don't think too hard about it because some of their assumptions are amazingly terrible.

Well, my thought is why not try this with super-heroes? Comics have been doing this for years with various super-hero misunderstandings and "vs" titles. Of course the answers are rarely consistent from comic to comic and always depend on the writer and the situation. But you could certainly carefully examine the abilities and limitations of each character in a "neutral territory" situation and work out once and for all who would actually (on average of course) win in a fight.

Of course unless the show was actually produced by one of the big-two comic publishers the licensing rights would be obscene. And while the really interesting version would allow cross-overs (such as Thor Vs The Flash) it would be pretty tough to get permission from the publisher to let their character lose the fight. Still, a show like this could become immensely popular if for no other reason than the permanent flame-wars every episode would spark off.

I Thought Of It First IV: MMO Halloween

Random thought I had today as we're preparing for the potential onslaught of trick-or-treaters while also discussing some Halloween events run by MMOs and it occurred to me that the two could be combined.

Imagine this. An MMO such as WoW partners up with a major candy company, the ones that produce big-bags-o-candy for Halloween. Now, in these bags you've got the individually wrapped little candies but you can also put small printed codes. Go online, log in and enter the code and you get a random reward determined by the code. It could be a small amount of in-game cash, a small bit of XP or maybe a randomly generated item (ranging from trash to uber-rare toys). That way the kid who comes to your door is not only getting his yearly sugar injection but if he plays WoW (or some other MMO), which statistically he probably does) then he'll get a little something extra.

Of course, one side-effect you'll probably see is adult gamers hitting up the stores around Halloween to take advantage of the promotion by buying up big sacks of candy. I wonder what candy companies would do about that? Probably just count the money and laugh maniacally.

I Thought of it First III: GPS gaming

I should mention that I've never owned a GPS device. I don't do much driving and I'm too cheap to get any phone other than what's offered free with my telephone plan. However I recently took a trip to Portland with NJ and a friend who did have a GPS on her smartphone and we got oddly excited over the process of "keep the blue dot going along the purple line!"

So it occurred to me, why not make that a game? Have a GPS system that scores you based on not only how far or how often you drive but how well you drive? You earn points every time you don't miss a turn (complete with little fanfare noises). You could even have bonus points every time you visit a place you haven't been to before or points for going farther from your "home" base. The game could even have achievements that you could unlock for different destinations or creating unusual shapes on the GPS map (say doing a figure 8 through several blocks). 

Bizarre little idea I had but I'm sure it'll exist someday.

I Thought of it First II: Zombies vs Brainzilla

This installation of IToiF is based around an idea I've had for some time for a video game. I just know some day I'll be browsing Steam sales, I'll see this game and then I'll be forced to go on a Kill Bill style quest for revenge. But until then let me share it with you.

Zombies vs. Brainzilla is essentially a strategy game centered around the idea that there is a simultaneous zombie apocalypse and alien invasion. Brainzilla, the mightiest brain in the cosmos, lands on earth inside of his massive armored Think Tank right in the middle of an uprising of the walking dead. Possessing the largest and mightiest brain in the universe of course he's the natural target for zombies while humanity has to try and survive both.

Each faction provides interesting ideas for different strategies. Zombies are individually weak and slow but they infect anything they damage, spread through enemy populations rapidly and take a lot of damage to put down. Zombies could spawn from graveyards, hospitals or other large populated buildings in a steady stream. Missions could feature adding "upgraded" zombies (animal zombies, armored zombies, super zombies) by invading zoos, military bases or nuclear power plants. Brainzilla is a single, powerful and tough enemy that has the ability to use mind control to take control of human units (not zombies however). Brainzilla's strategy would revolve around surrounding himself with meat-shields long enough to build up his technological defenses. Humans would be forced to survive both forces without succumbing to the control of one or the other.

Anyway, that's my idea. This idea of mine.

"I Thought of This First" and randomly generated content

If I'm ever feeling creative or come up with a novel idea I can always count on the internet to take me down a peg. With so many ideas and so many creative minds out there it's pretty much inevitable that someone else has not only come up with the same idea but they've probably done it bigger, better or more successfully. I even ran into this issue creating this blog. The 'zombie toast' thing is something based on a doodle I did about six years ago and it's pretty bizarre and random so I figure it'll be distinctive. As I'm setting up the blog I see someone else has taken the zombietoast domain here and a quick Google even shows that there's a website dedicated to crafting zombie-toast figurines. Heck, I'm reading through someone's blog today and I see someone has posted in the comments under the name "Orion" with an avatar icon of a piece of bread and I promptly slam my head on my desk.

The only way to keep from weeping quietly in a corner is to make peace with the fact that eventually someone will come up with that same genius idea you did and you'll probably only find out about it long after the fact. However, rather than go quietly into the dark night of the internet I've chosen to create a repository of my random ideas. These are ideas for inventions, entertainment or other general concepts that I have neither the initiative, skills nor resources to pursue myself. They're simply here so that when those same ideas inevitably show up somewhere else I can always take comfort in knowing that I thought of it first. 

The first entry: an idea for a documentary show "Kings of America". Researchers look into the hundreds of royal lines that have now gone defunct, exiled or otherwise gone extinct. They could trace the lineage of to the most eligible modern descendant (obviously there's no need for them to be in America but I think it's a neat name). Show representatives arrange to meet with them so we can see where the royal line finally ended up. Perhaps even arrange for a sightseeing trip for the "winner" to the country where their ancestors reigned. 

The second part of the post today is from something I ran across reading the gaming blog DnD with porn stars. One of the posts was a challenge: roll a 10 sided dice, consult a chart and use that as the subject of your blog post. I figured why not? 

So...rolled a 9...that means "Google up a random mini, then describe this fellow or lass as an NPC. Give us some hooks for him or her."

Okay...googling...lets look for something past the first page and....no batman won't work...here we go:

Obviously a cleric (especially if you play pathfinder), but let's reinterpret things a bit.

Tasha Gilder (Fighter/Rogue)

Tasha is a brazen robber and tomb-vulture. That golden symbol? That'll fetch a hefty price once she finds the right collector. Tasha's more of a dungeon-delver than a sneak-thief though (focusing on skills with locks and traps over stealth, hence the heavier armor and bright colors) and even takes a perverse delight in snatching loot from people directly rather than clambering through musty tombs herself. So adventurers would be wise to stay on guard when they emerge with their hard earned haul from deep within forgotten crypts. Tasha might be waiting with a band of expendable thugs to snatch your prize for herself.

Image is from: http://www.purplepawn.com/2011/05/pathfinder-prepainted-plastic/