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Saturday, August 4, 2012

A self-defense arsenal clearly designed for PCs

If there's one thing every RPG player knows it's that the more exotic and interesting a weapon is the better it is. In RPGs deadly assassins duel-wield Desert Eagles and vampires carry around a brace of katanas under their ubiquitous trench coats. So, here's some real-world weaponry that you'll almost certainly have some player try and fob off on you.

Knife: The Wasp Knife

So, what's the most ridiculous, over-powered knife out there? Are we talking some kind of grotesquely oversized bowie sort of thing? Or one of those insane Bud-k contraptions that has a dozen spikes, half of which will try and carve you to bits the moment you use it?

Nope, the Wasp knife is a fairly small, unassuming little thing. However, notice those three cartridges? Those are compressed air cylinders which are loaded into the knife and released through a vent that runs along the blade and out of the tip. The knife was apparently originally designed to defend against underwater predators like sharks...but it's equally effective against it's natural prey: the watermelon. Now, who can watch that without imagining the potential...especially with a bit of creativity (imagine a Wasp spear!).

And of course since the compressed gas instantly cools to below-freezing when released the knife obviously inflicts additional Cold damage as well. Of course, on the downside you've invested in the only knife you need to reload.

Handguns: The Pfeifer Zeliska .600

No, that picture isn't photoshopped. That's the Pfeifer Zeliska .600 Nitro Express. It's a handgun that's as hard to lift as it is to pronounce. The gun is 16 lbs and is pretty much the most powerful handgun in the world...it probably makes a pretty effective blunt instrument too.

Now, if the sheer size and weight don't indicate just how utterly ridiculous this weapon is then check out the picture to the right. That's the bullet. This is a handgun that fires elephant gun rounds.

Now ask yourself. Who in the world needs enough firepower to take down an enraged pachyderm in a package that fits (theoretically) under a jacket? Monster hunters and vampire assassins of course.  For when you absolutely, positively have to make the guy with the desert eagle feel inadequate. Of course if your PCs come up to you begging to be allowed to stat out this weapon...just remind them that it costs over $16,000 and $45 a bullet. At that price, just buy a used SUV and run over the eldritch horror.

Taser: The Bodyguard

 When it comes to taking down opponents there's very few PCs who look for a "non-lethal" solution. All too often the standard player's idea of "minimum force" is "don't double-tap them after they're down."

But come on! Look at that thing! It's an electric gauntlet. We've apparently started to live in the world of Shadowrun and I never even realized. Because who would settle for punching something...when you can punch it with lightning!

All-In-One: The OSA
If there's one thing everyone hates about monster hunting it's how damned resistant or immune they can be to just about anything. Sure, you'd love to solve all your problems with a flamethrower, but one day you're going to run into a critter that's just going to shrug it off and proceed to rip your face off. For the modern day adventurer who isn't sure what the hell they're going to fight next, we've got the OSA multipurpose pistol.

The thing can be chambered with four types of ammunition: mini flash-bang grenades (great for creatures with sensitive hearing or a vulnerability to bright light), flares (i.e. bonus fire damage), electric stun bullets (i.e. electric damage), tear gas cartridges (for those critters resistant to physical damage but vulnerable to poison) and rubber bullets (boring but good for taking down cultists without a murder charge).

The only drawback is its unintimidating size. Creative players should easily find a way to upgrade it to a 4-barreled shotgun-sized version however.

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